The Pleasure of Submission

In this article, my friend, Liz Leia, confesses to the joys of submitting to the strength and will of a man.

This is politically “hot” topic so let me give you two quick rules by means of introduction to creating an even hotter, sexy, fun and even ECSTATIC moment with your woman.

First — you have to keep HER pleasure at the forefront, not yours.  You must remain sensitive to her limits, so that you can press through them and bring her into new realms of pleasure and release.  Having a woman surrender control to you is a gift she is offering you, and as long as you remain in a state of gratitude and cherishing of that gift — even through rough sex, spanking, tossing around and dirty talk — you must never restrict your consciousness down to your feral pleasure in the moment.

If she surrenders, she is your ward, for the moment, and you are her trustable steward.

Never lose sight of this, and you will not only give her the experience of a lifetime, but you will expand your own capacity as a present, powerful and masterful man — rather than some guy who gets off on dominating women.

Between those two poles lies the entirety of masculine integrity.

* * *

Recently I went into a deli where the menu had two options. You could either make your own sandwich from their list of ingredients or you could just say, “Make me a sandwich,” and then they’d make something for you.

Now, a totally logic question would be: What would be the point of having someone else make whatever sandwich they want for you when it’s unlikely he or she would assemble the same ingredients that you would choose if you were in control?

The pleasure that you get from saying, “Just make me a sandwich” is the same pleasure that a woman (or anyone, actually) gets from submitting to the will of her partner.

Most men unwittingly deny a woman this pleasure.

Imagine you’re in that sandwich shop and you say, “Just make me a sandwich.” The guy behind the counter immediately starts asking all kinds of questions, like…

“Oh, ok, um…well, do you want white bread or wheat? Sourdough? Rye? Do you want ham, turkey, roast beef, vegetarian? Do you want cheese? Lettuce? Tomato?”

You look at him, annoyed, and say, “Whatever. Just make me a sandwich.”

He nervously replies, “Well, I want you to be happy. I want to make sure I get it right so you’ll like it.”

If you’ve ever had the experience of trying to please a woman, and instead she got annoyed or frustrated with you, chances are it’s because in your effort to make her happy, you took away the one thing that would make her deeply happy.

That’s the pleasure of submission.

I can’t even count how many times a man has asked me, “What do you want me to do?” and my first thought has been, “Anything but ask me what I want you to do.”

Quick disclaimer: this does NOT mean that a woman wants you to force her against her will. Never ever force a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do. No means no. When a woman submits to you, it’s her choice to do so.

Also, for the sake of this article, I’m going to generalize a bit and say “men think this way” and “women think this way.” Obviously, there are exceptions to this and richer complexities to the dynamic I’m describing. But for right now, let’s keep it simple, and just say that men think competitively and derive pleasure from winning. Women derive pleasure from connection and submission.

The other day, I wrestled around a bit with one of my female friends for energy and fun (for that mental image, you’re welcome J ). She’s stronger than me and she pinned me every time. It was really fun!

Later on, I commented to her that, “I think that was more fun than if I had won. There’s something so pleasurable about fighting and losing.”

Now she knew exactly what I was talking about, but most guys that I know would be totally confused. How can it be more fun to lose than to win?

The pleasure came from being physically conquered. She was genuinely stronger than me, so I could bring as much force as I wanted and she would still pin me down.

Contrast this to when I play “logical, intellectual” games like backgammon, chess, or poker—in these cases, I want to outsmart my opponent and win.

But when it comes down to a primal, visceral tussle, there’s greater pleasure to be had in submission to the other person’s strength. I can’t explain it logically because it’s not logical at all—this is a deep desire of the feminine.

Fulfill this desire, and you will be ahead of all the other guys out there who are falling flat *trying* to make her happy.

So, how do you give her the pleasure of submission?

Let go of the need to get it right. You won’t get it exactly right. You won’t be able to read her mind and guess all of her preferred “ingredients.” She doesn’t care. Just make her a sandwich.

Let go of the notion that women need to be treated gently all the time. There’s a time to caress her, and there’s a time to throw her up against the wall and fuck her.

Let go of the fear that you aren’t being nice. She doesn’t want you to be nice—she wants you to dominate. No means no (see the disclaimer above). If you throw her against the wall and she says no, back off. If you throw her against the wall and she smiles and melts into your arms, she’s experiencing the pleasure of submission.