Photo by Jenny Downing
After a thoroughly unscientific, absolutely random survey of attractive women who get tons of winks and nods and pokes and emails online, I have identified at least 5 of the top dumbass things men do in their hormonal mating online dance frenzy for women. The first has to do with photos…
Photos represent a funny thing for guys. On the one hand, you want to look good and appealing to women. But on the other (as a recent study shows ), women don’t care as much about a man’s looks as much as what he has to say, do and give to the world.
In addition — a man who “displays” himself too much visually is actually taking on the role of the feminine. You won’t want to be showcasing your “beauty” – you want to send signals about your character.
That said…
You know those brainless bonding things guys do to show they are one of the guys: hold beer cups so their hands don’t appear empty, wear shades because it’s supposed to be cool (more importantly it allows us to hide, to see and not be seen, which men prefer), show that we can party like a rock star (New Orleans beads, drunken friends shoulder to shoulder?) Those are great things when you are trying to attract guys, that show you are not a threat to them and they can relax. There are dating sites for attracting guys. But if you want to attract women – try 3 fundamental rules which foIIow 3 basic attraction archetypes.
1. The 4 H’s – Hale, Hearty, Healthy and Happy - Wilderness is good. Robust in a suit is fine. Sailing is awesome. A soccer or basebaII uniform seems a bit high-schooly. If you have a straight-on photo that suggests you are not sickly, not hiding anything, not weak, eyes forward, smile full — and that you promise a life that might be more fun and adventurous than the one she is currently living — that’s good.
2. The Protector – whether you Iike it or not, you are here to protect the female of the species. From weather, from other men, from physical danger, from lovelessness (which hurts more than almost anything) and, of course, from themselves. This is why guys rent puppies. To show that they can be tender and caring. A photo with nieces and nephews demonstrates that side of you, or with your grandma. If you are taking care of, or protecting anyone in a photo — fantastic. If you are volunteer firefighter — yeah, use that photo of you in rubber pants. Other than that and wetsuits, though, no rubber pants any other time.
3. The Bad Boy – I talk more about this elsewhere. A bad boy is not a jerk, not an asshole and not a bad “man.” The bad boy archetype is appealing for one reason: he charts his own path and does not care about society’s rules and expectations. A bad boy with a high or positive vision is one of the sexiest archetypes — because he promises both masculine freedom AND high masculine purpose. If you do anything adventurous and dangerous, that’s appealing. It adds “edge” — but especially when it is balanced by a photo that shows heart, trustabiliity, vision or leadership.
Most women like men who are bold. But they don’t want their guy to be reckless or dead. Of course the bad boy image is too often clichéd – so you on a Harley, on a bungee, or skydiving — not that exciting any more. Men who try too hard to be “bad boy” usually end up just looking like a lost member of the Village People. Do you have anything original and edgy about you? Upside down in a kiteboard flip — good. Standing on an icy peak — yeah, not bad. Atop a horse. Regal.
As always, don’t try to over-display yourself. That’s her job. Try to create what I talk about in DeepAttractionOnline — Electric Contrast. Balance the bold with the tender, the assertive with the safe, rugged with the sensually alive.
Just don’t bore! Don’t offer only one dimension of yourself. Create mystery and questions, with both your photos and your profile. You are trying to draw her interest, not provide an exhaustive essay.
Ok – that’s a start. More Dumbass things to avoid on the way in coming days and weeks….
Your friend,
Adam Gilad
P.S. If you have an outrageous or odd photo – circulate that as your main photo from time to time. I got tons of emails when I posted myself petting a wild Tapir in the Amazonian jungle. Women wanted to know what the ugly beast was. Which of course was the perfect opening to teII them, and also to talk about the Tapir that the ugly beast was petting. Which was aIways good for a laugh, and the conversation was started.
Related posts:
Comments on this entry are closed.