This is a guest post from my friend Liz Leia, who writes at Getting Inside a Woman.
Hey there, I’m Liz Leia, your inside woman, and I’m here to give you the honest and authentic truth about what a woman is attracted to in a man.
Question: have you ever heard someone say that he or she doesn’t want to get hurt or get a broken heart? Have YOU ever said that?
I actually recently spoke to a guy who had vowed never to get rejected again—at age 13, right after the girl he was crushing on turned him down. Of course, there’s only one way to never, ever get rejected: never ask anyone out in the first place.
That’s not exactly the best way to get a date.
I’ll admit, though, that when I was 12, I made a similarly ridiculous promise to myself. After I saw my 6th grade crush holding hands with another girl, I felt pain spread over my entire chest.
“Is this heartbreak?” I thought, “This feels awful.” I went outside, sat on a bench, and promised that I would never make someone else feel this way.
Two weeks later, a guy I knew from class told me he liked me, and I told him that I didn’t think of him “that way.” He walked away, head hanging, and ten seconds later I realized I had already broken my promise.
Which is fine, because in the game of love, the only way you can keep these promises is never to play.
In other words, if you are going to have relationships with women—any kind of relationships—you will get rejected, you will get hurt, and you will break a woman’s heart at some point.
I’m not saying this to be cynical—of course there’s a really wonderful side to dating and relationships too!
And actually, it’s the balance between the light and the dark that makes love a worthwhile pursuit, because BOTH can be opportunities for growth if you let them.
Most guys are scared of getting hurt and hurting women—they are out there seeking the magic formula that will let them sleep with lots of women and have only good emotions in the process. On top of that, they want to know how to make sure none of the women get hurt either. Good luck with that!
I’m not saying that it’s ok to be totally careless with other peoples’ emotions (or your own). It’s important to take the best care of people that you can. There’s a difference between doing your best to take care of yourself and the people around you and avoiding all negative emotions and thoughts. Often times, it’s the avoiding of those things that ends up hurting us the most.
A truly masculine man knows how to stay strong during the times when he or his woman feels hurt (just like a truly feminine woman knows how to stay open during these times).
It’s extremely attractive when, as a woman, I can tell that a man will not be shaken or destroyed if I say no to him or cry in front of him.
So, if you are going to play the game of love, GO ALL IN! Go into it knowing that you will experience a spectrum of pain and joy, and that’s ok, because the game isn’t about avoiding the dark stuff. A man who knows how to play the game develops himself so that he’s strong enough to handle whatever a woman throws his way.
Liz Leia is a writer, dating coach, Master Practitioner of NLP and hypnosis, and the former editor for Sean Stephenson’s Inner Game Magazine. Liz owns the company Getting Inside A Woman, where she writes and coaches men in how to be truly attractive to women without any pick-up lines or gimmicks.
Check out more material from Liz Leia at www.gettinginsideawoman.com.
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