Photo by Esparta
Guys will pay dating coaches thousands of dollars a weekend to observe and comment upon what their bodies are doing as they approach and talk to women.
A good dating coach will show you when your eyes flicker or look down, indicating insecurity. He will tell you when you lose eye contact, how you fold your arms across your body in a unconscious self protective gesture, how your breath might shorten, depicting nervousness, how you might laugh too hard, or restrain yourself too much — and reflect how that causes women to tighten up.
A good dating coach will also affirm when you’re relaxed and genuinely present with the woman with whom you are speaking. How you maintain eye contact to you listen to what she says, how and when you respond to what her body is doing, where her eyes are going how she carries herself. If she nervous? If she subtly displaying sexually inviting signals? Touching her hair? Touching her body? Brushing your arm?
But here’s the thing…
You can be your own dating coach — it just means thank you must develop self-awareness.
Here’s how to do it. Clone yourself. That means right now take yourself and create another being exactly like you — and stand him next to you. Same guy. Same clothes. Same brain. Now, make that guy watch you all the time and refelect to you what you body is doing at any given moment — and stay in constant communication with him. Because he’s your clone, you don’t actually have to talk out loud to him, which would be weird.
But you do need to develop a very simple self-awareness of what your body is doing.
You need to know when your heart sinks. When your blood races and you start speaking too fast. When you feel like giving up or when you start to get cocky and overdo it, thus losing connection with the heart of the woman you’re engaging.
You don’t want to become 100% self-conscious and stilted. That is not the goal.
The goal is to be aware of what your body is doing because your body, whether you like it or not, is the vehicle of who you are. It is not you, but it is how people will experience you, especially at first. Think of it also the flavor, the language, the live television broadcast, the living sculpture of you in the world — and you can be utterly stupid to how it moves, or you can become a skilled artist, a master.
A good dating coach can help. A good friend can also help. A good woman friend can give you great feedback if you ask for honest feedback and thank her for it without fighting what she says (because she’s probably right). Have a woman friend observe you as you speak with other women — and listen.
Now, if you really want to accelerate your body awareness, consider taking a dance class — something like modern or jazz dance, samba, tango — not because you’re going to star at Lincoln Center but because it well going to learn how to become the Rembrandt, the Brancusi, the versatile Picasso of your body’s expression.
Take a martial arts class, not so you can slug it out with the noble troglodytes of the IFC, but so your body will learn how to ground, to shoot invisible cables of strength into the Earth, and shimmer with solidity and confidence.
Take a yoga class, not so you can evolve into an impressive pretzel, but so you can learn to stretch beyond the accumulated constraints of your normally tense musculature.
Take a voice class, and learn to speak from your chest, and to let women feel and your lions rumble.
Take a workshop with Warriorsage, or the Authentic Man Program (AMP) or elsewhere, and practice deep, unshakable masculine presence, eye-to-eye, with other men and with women.
Own your body and what it does. Know your body. Hone your art. Sharpen your tools. If you want to take attraction seriously, which means from the first moment you meet her and potentially through all the challenges of relationship and even marriage, where attraction, god knows, often get battered by bills, and clutter and kids and hard choices — make sure you get to know your body and what it communicates. Watch yourself move and breathe. Hear yourself speak. Feel yourself.
In short, and I wish I came up with this phrase myself, but I didn’t…
Know Thyself
And you will be known more deeply, more readily and with more immediate attraction by the women you truly wish to know in return.
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