This is part 4 of a 5-part series where I excerpt parts of my conversations with some of the top gurus, leaders and coaches in the Attraction and Dating community. I interview all of these guests in detail in the Erotic Mastery course.
Here I’m chatting with Erwan Davon and Alicia Bayer, who run a popular, intense and intimate workshop called The Pleasure Course, helping couples learn how to give each other deep orgasms.
Erwan: The technique is to use the most dextrous part of the man’s body (the index finger) on the most sensitive part of the woman’s body (the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris).
So the way to create the most high-level orgasm in somebody else’s body, and most people don’t know this, is actually manually because you have enormously more dexterity. Now that does not mean oral sex is not good – this doesn’t rule out anything else.
It’s just an incredible tool to add in to really get the physiological system, the energy, the turn-on, the orgasm really rolling and it makes all the other sex acts better.
The clitoris has more nerve endings that the eyeball. Initially the clitoris looks like and men and women think of it as this tiny little thing. But when you really really get to know the clitoris, it appears more like a soccer ball with an infinite number of different quadrants, really a whole world.
So a little tiny stroke, if you’re really paying attention, a stroke that’s about 1 mm long can cause an enormous amount of sensation. Then a woman who’s trained is going to have her full attention on that sensation, and a man who’s trained is going to have his full attention on that sensation.
Adam: I love that! Another point you made was that there’s a clear distinction between eroticism and sensuality and that they complement each other. Alicia, could you elaborate a little bit on that?
Alicia: Eroticism for many people may be images, certain ideas, or something that turns you on in your head by the thought of it.
Sensuality is actually being turned on and pleasured by what’s happening, by what you’re feeling, by what you smell and the touches and the tastes and the sights that are actually happening in the moment. They’re inherently turning you on and you feel them in your body because it’s happening right then.
Many people in their sex lives have eroticism central in their sex life. So their sex life depends on images or thoughts or fantasies. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we suggest having that be an add-in, having that be the spice and having sensuality be the meal. Have sensuality be the foundation of your sex life.
A way you can do that, is by setting up your environment to be sensual. Go out and buy things that feel good to you that are soft or things that smell good or a really beautiful painting for the wall or some music that sounds really good to you, or some poetry or something to appeal to your sense of conceptual thought.
Anything that pleases you, start to notice – like the foods you eat – start to put attention on that. That’s the first step.
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