This is part 1 of a 5-part series where I excerpt parts of my conversations with some of the top gurus, leaders and coaches in the Attraction and Dating Community. I interview all of these guests in depth in the Erotic Mastery Course.
Here I am chatting with David Shade, author of The Secrets of Female Sexuality and Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms. David is an icon in the worldwide sexuality and attraction community because he has fearless and rock-solid understanding of women. Here we talk about why it’s important for the man to assume responsibility 100% and how that affects your sexual relationship with women.
Adam: Opening up a woman’s sexuality is something that’s going to happen really over time. It’s not going to happen in one night, right?
David: Right. First of all, she has to be able to trust you. Scientists have found that to have an orgasm, the parts of a woman’s mind that have to do with fear and anxiety have to be turned off, and that’s only going to happen when she fully feels that she trusts you.
Again, it goes back to responsibility. Most women are sexually submissive. They were raised to not want to be sexually active, yet they do internally, but socially they aren’t supposed to so they cannot initiate. Instead, they can only respond.
Adam: So what are the actual steps you take in order to get women to respond the way you want?
David: When you are leading her, when you are escalating, you never articulate it. You never say to her, “Ok, now let’s go into the bedroom and get sexual,” because for her to say yes would mean that she assumes some responsibility.
Instead, you want to slowly escalate things such that she can later say, “It just happened.” You slowly escalate and she simply follows, such that afterwards she can simply say she was swept away with passion.
The way to do that is you always ask questions that you know you’re going to get a yes.
“Does this feel good?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like it when I do this?’
“Yes.”
“Do you this or that?”
“Yes.”
Get her to say yes enough times and then you do something new that you haven’t done before and you say, “Do you like it when I do this?” or “Does this feel good?” “Yes.”
Adam: Of course, and I’ve heard some of your audio programs and it’s not just the words. It’s the way you say it. It has to do with also commanding respect. Your voice can drop as you escalate the ladder, deeper and softer.
David: Let me say one thing about voice. I tell guys, “Your most important tool in the bedroom is not your tool, it’s your voice.”
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