How should you date after the age of 30? After 35? After 40?
Should you act different? Should you BE different?
These last two months, I’ve been reading, researching, interviewing, testing profiles and writing a new handbook on how to SUCCESSFULLY DATE after the age of 35 or so – as you leave the ricochet and climb of your “Prince” period — and begin to step into being the KING that women look for from a man of your age.
Today I want to share with you some thoughts I have about your expression of Kingship as it relates to ORDER.
Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s you too, but when I get into a woman’s car and it’s a cluttered and filthy mess – I turn off. To me it reflects not only her hygiene, and how she might keep house, but it is a reflection of how she worships or doesn’t worship her own body as a vehicle of the radiant feminine.
I want and expect my woman to be a deliverer or grace and beauty into my life. When we go out, when we stay in, when we make love. I want her to deliver what I can’t, which is a kind of liquid sensual environment, a shimmering and delicious bed of being for me to take and taste and shape and raise….
So…
What does your ideal SHE expect from you? From me?
She wants a man. Not a boy. A boy’s room is a mess. A college guy’s room stinks of strewn laundry. Ok. No problem.
But a man of 35? Of 40?
Problem!
As you move into KINGSHIP in your life, you become a SOURCE OF ORDER for your woman – a reassuring bulwark against chaos – the chaos of life’s dangers, of her whipsawing emotions, her inner demons, her fears, and yes, of economic worries, too.
In archetypal terms – the King is a slayer of Chaos – represented in the old stories as demons, dragons, serpents and monsters. The King slays chaos, establishes order and allows the realm to flourish. Men can work in peace. Women can sleep safely at night. Children can play and grow.
You convey to women this CRUCIAL ARCHETYPAL KING ENERGY by demonstrating that you have created order in your own life. What may seem small to you, such as dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, papers strewn around your living space — may grow magnified in a woman’s eyes. This chaos at home or in your car subtly conveys to her that you are NOT a force of order — therefore not of safety.
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Do you display manly Order to women? Or boyish Disorder?
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There are of course larger indications that you are not a Bringer of Order – including messiness in your personal relationships. You may not like everyone you meet – and you may genuinely resent your exes. But if you continually and repeatedly rage against others, any others — including your ex – you are showing women that you are GIVING OTHER PEOPLE POWER over your internal order. You are not King of your inner realm.
So, if you are feeling rage at others, handle it. This may and probably does require help — a therapist, a trained coach, or a sustained relationship with a spiritual teacher or practice. In my opinion – a man who can call you on your shit is more important than all of these. It is my experience that there is nothing as powerful as having another man equally committed to the journey of self-mastery to help you achieve the Kingship you must.
Keep order in your car, your home, your internal emotional life. Get help. Refine yourself always in the company of other good men.
And demonstrate to women that you are continually embodying King energies by embodying order — tending both your external and your internal realms.
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++++One can be born as a King and be treated as a King all his life as just an idol or one can be born as a PAWN and struggle and fight his way to the top and be every woman`s idol as he crosses the line of impossible and becomes King of his own destiny and knows the truth of the difficulties of life for all who do the same.It is this King that hopes his princess has done the same as she becomes his QUEEN!?++++
You continue to serve as wise counsel and an inspirational force. Keep up the great work.
D
Great post Adam
. Hint from a woman over 40. Be yourself. Facades will eventually be ripped off revealing the truth which might not be a “king”. If the woman doesn’t like the real you – it is time to move on. However, your advise to keep order in your car, your home and your internal emotional life is great advice for everyone. Being the best we can be and constantly striving to improve ourselves can only benefit us and our present or future partners.
Very well said! I think the biggest issue is that most women of a certain age desire the stability you are speaking of. We have enough issues raising our own children as a single mom (in my case) I certainly don’t want to have a boyfriend who is not a man and represents more of a boy in need of a mommy figure than a man who can appreciate a woman for who she is as a woman…As far as rage is concerned, it takes up too much space! Anger and rage only leave less room in your heart for love and if you can’t love without 100% we don’t want you! Forgiveness enables a person to give 100% and we must all learn to forgive our ex’s as well as ourselves in order to give that 100%!
Julie – yes! That’s why my new book is called “Embodying Mastery” – it’s a process – a verb in action. The thing is to set commitments and move toward them in this moment right now. There is no finish line. Although guys love finish lines.
Adam,
I read your post with amusement not because the information is not good, but because, you (and everyone) see the world through your phase of life, in this case, with two teenage sons sharing custody. And, those teenage sons may be messy and have chaos in their lives. Although, they are both EXTREMELY talented and intelligent young men and you are very proud of them as you should be. Chip off the old block.
Your questions:
“How should you date after 30 – 35 – 40? Should you act different? Should you BE different?”
First, I like the title of your upcoming new book, Adam, “Embodying Mastery.” As you know, the term I use is MASTERMAN. (See definition on urban dictionary)
It is not about having order and slaying chaos as a page, prince, knight or king. Those archetypes from Tarot and other teachings are not about being a MASTERMAN. A MASTERMAN embodies all those archetypes.
About chaos. I’m known for THE LOVE BUCKET® concept. One of the rings of desire of the love bucket is LIFESTYLE. How a person lives with neatness and hygiene, finances, location of home, and the full gamut of the business of living is part of lifestyle. Some areas you can compromise on and others you can’t. But there’s more to the love bucket than lifestyle.
Next, the over-30 – 35 – 40 dating question first revolves around two big “elimination” questions:
PHASE of LIFE: Are you in the “lets play and have fun” or “let’s settle down” phase. These are not mutually exclusive but one is the prime motivator. Which is it?
KIDS: Where do you stand with kids? Do you have kids, do you want kids, does she have kids, does she want kids.
Again, your questions: “How should you date after 35? Should you act differently? Should you BE different?”
The answer is not about being different. It is about being clear. Clarity in what you want in dating whether it is dating for fun or dating to get into a serious relationship.
Be clear YOURSELF on the two elimination questions. Know what you want out of your phase. If you just want to play and have fun and you start dating a woman who wants to settle down and have kids you are not acting in integrity with either of your best interests.
A MASTERMAN would determine the answer to the elimination questions up front so he can act in integrity when he is dating. Remember the dating experience is for the highest good for all involved. If you don’t have clarity you’ll be wasting your time and her time.
Now about TIME: Time is an investment. As you get older, time is more in the forefront of the mind of men and women. When you date over thirty you realize that you are investing your time (and possibly your money) into the date or several dates that may lead to a relationship.
For women, what is the TIME INVESTMENT in dating?
Men need to understand and value the two very essential capital investments that a woman brings to the dating game.
1) A woman is investing HER LOOKS.
2) A woman is investing HER FERTILITY.
Both LOOKS and FERTILITY have an expiration “shelf life.”
That is why it is so important to be clear upfront with what you want while dating as dating can lead to a relationship. If you date and she wants a commitment and kids you are spending her fertility. Over 35 it is much more serious. Enough said.
Even with LOOKS. If she wants a serious relationship, with or without kids, and the guy is spending her looks because he has no intention giving her a commitment even though you may be serious and exclusive, you are spending her looks. When a guy is “done” she is now older, has another wrinkle, and the guy is off to a younger woman.
Her LOOKS helped attract you to her. Spending her looks when she is young is not that big a deal. If you spend her looks over 35 you’ve got to keep the timeline in check past three months of dating.
So if you have are not conscious or aware of the expiration date of these two capital investments that women bring, you become part of the angry conversation that women have about men.
So how should you BE (as a man) when dating?
Be a MASTERMAN. Here’s the MASTERMAN definition: A man who exudes mastery and integrity because he has self-discipline, confidence, clarity of purpose on a daily basis, and strategic direction of his life. Women are extremely attracted to a masterman (think Rockstar), young boys clamor to be lead by a masterman, and peers seek the counsel of a masterman often in the context of a mastermind group.
A MASTERMAN has mastered the art of initiative and positively contributes and participates in the lives of others.
A MASTERMAN is a success in all aspects of his life.
Again, a MASTERMAN would determine the answer to the elimination questions (phase and kids) up front so he can act in integrity when he is dating.
A MASTERMAN does not need validation or approval of women. A MASTERMAN has other strong men in his life in a group or BROTHERHOOD of MASTERMAN that keep each other in check, activate friendly competition, and challenge each other to rise to their greatness and potential.
To Your Love Success,
Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!
P.S. Adam you’re welcome to quote me!
Thank you that finally explains what i’m missing and finally can see, What i need to do in order to get the women I want.
and again THANK YOU very much
Adam, Do you really beleave with your system, That you can inspire a young women. How is 22 years old and has a kid, but you can tell that she doesnt want to improve her own life because of fear.
Ms. Sherrie Rose,
You make a couple, very valid points. But yet, as a man, it’s difficult to accept a lead by a woman. No woman can raise a man. So, is she able to speak on one and what his journey should entail?
Or rather, can she only speak from what her inner being yearns for from a man?
I can’t buy it.
Jay ~