This is part 5 of a 5-part series where I excerpt parts of my Conversations with Top Gurus, Leaders and Coaches in the Attraction and Dating community. I interview all of these guests in detail in the Erotic Mastery course.
Here I continue my chat with Alicia Bayer who runs the popular workshop, The Pleasure Course, and is also an accredited psychologist. We’re discussing the difference between what most people do – approach with a strategy towards an end result – versus simply enjoying the woman for who she is.
Alicia: Oftentimes when a man sees a woman, and I see this all the time in my coaching practice and with the men that I train, they immediately say, “I want her. How do I get her? I need her,” and are coming up with strategies.
“How can I get her to like me? What can I do?” They completely miss simply enjoying the woman, noticing her, watching her, and enjoying her from afar before the first interaction.
Adam: Almost like how some people eat, you know – the food comes, you eat it, it’s gone.
Alicia: Yes. This approach though will give yourself time to actually enjoy her and be truly interested, and then you can approach and engage her from a clear place.
So here’s what it looks like. Picture yourself sitting in a café and you look across the café and you see a woman and you get that feeling. You’re struck, she’s beautiful, you want to go talk to her.
Now what to do with that is you stop and you watch her and you look at her and you notice what kind of shoes is she wearing? What is she reading? What does her hair look like? Is she wearing earrings? Does she look a particular way? Have a particular hairstyle?
Just take time and let yourself actually notice the details of her and find enjoyment in that. Because that is basically what there is to do with a woman is enjoy her, because she is inherently a pleasurable being.
Adam: You know, I love that. Putting your attention on her. Obviously there’s that great continuum right from that first moment and right up through high-level orgasm. It’s really about putting your attention on her.
Alicia: When I start working with men, they would all say “I want to date women, or get into these great relationships,” I send them out and I say, “Make offers to women daily.”
This is something you all can do. Make offers to women daily. Make offers meaning walk up to them and ask them if they want to get a cup of coffee, if they’d like to have a conversation with you, if they’d like to go for a walk, if they’d like to go out for dinner, whatever it is that you choose to do. You commit to doing it daily so you get used to being said no to.
I have my clients keep a record of all of the women you meet.That leads to a lot of success because you remember the details. You’re making a list. You’ve got women to choose from and to call, so it’s not this thing where each woman you approach is The One, and then if she says no it’s the end of the world, because it’s not. It’s a game.
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